Interregnum – Where to go from here? The map is blank, Part I.

Everything is unique. Not everything is relevant. One of the interesting things about “relevant” is that it’s subjective. Another interesting thing about “relevant” is that it’s something that we, as people don’t always care about. But, in addition to being unique, we as people have an innate desire to be known. I could speculate endlessly here about why we want to be known in rambling philosophical ways, but the short answer is that I don’t know. We may want to be known, based on an absurd compunction to try and share the unknown; it could be a reaction to our mortality; or it could be a selfish desire to aid our genes; or maybe it’s where I started, that it’s something unquantifiable; like the number forty-two; or something extra simple, like a desire to be famous and have a different life from our mundane yet special existence; whichever it is, I still don’t know. What I do know is that now, thanks to the interwebs, more people have the opportunity to share what they do know with a larger audience. I also know that I have no idea what the state of the “blogosphere” is now, or how many people there are out there blogging – and frankly, after doing a small amount of research, I’m not sure anyone does – there’s a lot of people out there, each acting in their own distinct way (for purposes of simplicity, I’ve lumped all social media here – tweeting, blogging, and other things into this category, even though it’s not technically correct). (Also, Technorati.com provides information on the blogosphere each year, but after reviewing their 2009 recap, I could not find any “hard” data on how many people were out there blogging, despite all the graphs they provided: http://technorati.com/blogging/feature/state-of-the-blogosphere-2009/).

The irony of wanting to be known, and trying to be known is the information overload – by all of us trying to impress on each other that we are unique, we are all somewhat similar, if not the same. Yeah, I’ll be honest - that last sentence is a trite point, and it is a fair amount of the pot calling the kettle black, and yes, I am part of the blogosphere that I just was attacking. I don’t see it as an attack though. I see it as a positive thing. In a city; country; continent; world; galaxy and universe where everything is completely unique, it’s nice to have some continuity at times. Continuity isn’t all bad – it prevents us from going insane, because if we were to constantly focus on how things are always different and unique, make no mistake about it, we would go insane – and fast. These concepts are just too complex to constantly fixate on.

It’s easy for me to admit that when I started this blog, I wanted some continuity. I wanted to be known. Mainly, though, I wanted to write this blog to preserve my memories and my stories. If you’ve read any of these posts, you, the reader know that I’ve been lucky by cheating death in many ways. There isn’t a day that goes by where I take any of that luck, skill, and other things for granted. After feeling grateful for being alive, I feel fortunate that I still have the capacity to remember everything that happened. Life is fickle. When I began, I wanted to put down my life’s stories so that I would always have them, despite what would – or could happen to the imperfect storage device of my brain. After all, logic – and the laws of probability indicate that sooner or later, either that age will catch up and eat large holes in the files, or that my infinite luck will run out.  

A cynical person would say at this point would say, “Yeah, right. You, like everyone else wanted to be famous. (Insert sneer here).” Sure, being famous would be great. I’m not going to lie. At the end of the day, though, what I always wanted to do was tell stories; it’s just something you’re going to have to take on faith. That’s what I always wanted to do – hear and tell stories. Whether it’s with a drink in hand at a noisy club, where every third word is obscured, or around a fire where the silence catches every letter’s inflection, I like to tell and listen to stories. In that respect, it was always my intent that you – the reader, pictured this blog as a conversation, with me as that oddball quirky friend that you shook your head at for being utterly ridiculous. For a second, I’ll allow myself a self-congratulatory moment, and say that in many ways I’ve accomplished that. There are some posts I’d like back to re-write and edit more (http://www.lastadventurer.com/last-adventurers-firering/2005/8/13/episode-ii-the-ill-fated-beginning.html) and some posts that I’d probably like to redact period (http://www.lastadventurer.com/last-adventurers-firering/2006/3/3/episode-xxxviii-in-terms-of-trickiness-i-get-an-extra-d12-roll-for-guile.html), and some that I like (http://www.lastadventurer.com/last-adventurers-firering/2006/1/30/episode-xxxi-this-wondrous-invention-does-everything-it-slices-it-dices.html). The problem with self-congratulatory bullcrap, however, is that it hides the problems. 

Interregnum – the past is the past, the future the future, and the now now.

Everyone is unique. Think about that for a second. Even if you were sitting right next to me right now, seeing what I see when I stare out blankly at different intervals, you’d see something completely different. Perhaps you’re color blind which would render the view into something out of a black and white movie. Perhaps you perceive reds as a darker shade than I, or perhaps you’re younger than me, and hear a high pitched whine that I, with my crotchety old ears am not phased by. (http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/12/technology/12ring.html). Maybe there’s a smell that reminds you of a place in time that is merely a mundane scent to my nose. All of this says nothing about taste, or the imperfect nature of any human language’s attempt to describe any of these things. Sure, language does a great job at approximating certain things – a table, is a table, is a table, whether it’s poorly crafted or the ideal form. While there are no universal standards – after all, what toasty wheat tastes like to me may taste like something else to you, the truth is that we are singular separate beings recording a lifetime of distinct points of time in our lives. (For a graphical representation of this concept, with awesome talking dinosaurs, check this link out here: http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1450 ).

If nothing else impresses you about life, think about this point for one moment and one moment alone: not only are we unique but everything we experience in life is unique. The planet is always orbiting around the sun while it spins on its axis. To top that off, the solar system is rotating within our Milky Way galaxy, which is spiraling around as it moves through the universe. Think about this: you have never occupied the same space twice. This is to say nothing of the day to day interaction of particles on a micro level here on Earth, or of the myriad factors that change our lives as time moves over us. Nothing we ever experience can ever be exactly the same. In this respect, calling ourselves “unique” seems like a colossal understatement. After all, if everything is always new, constantly changing, and varies from person to person, there should be a better word that captures such a state. But there isn’t. Or rather, there isn’t one in my opinion that can capture all of those things and more that I listed about. It is one of the absurdities of life that we can and do experience all of these irreplaceable things in the time we have but yet fail to pass along this knowledge to others.

Even though I am in an empty room, I can still hear the disgruntled rumblings of whatever readers I have left with my above logic. Let me admit two things here; first, that there is a transmission of experience and knowledge throughout the generations, otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now, writing this. In fact, this transmission of experience and knowledge has even been constantly improving from “fire hot” to sophisticated oral histories, to writing and drawing, to books, and to photography and computers, among a plethora of other things. Now there is a parallel problem to go along with information loss, that of information overload. Simply put, there are certain things that are unique to each person that others don’t need to know about. They involve unique parts of space and time, but provide no additional essential survival or philosophical or educational benefits to anyone. After all, if I tell you that I slept for eight hours last night in fuzzy pajamas and dreamed of worlds that only existed in my subconscious and disappeared from my memory upon waking, you would probably stop listening, or soon forget what I had said at a later time, because it would not be practical to you. Even though things are always unique, with respect to dealing with other people, they are not always relevant.

Interregnum – The problems behind the great content absence of the early twenty-first century.

Time wastes too fast. Life passes too quickly, and does not follow any rules. I could fill this blog with innumerable words about what happened to me in the last seven hundred odd days, and how the person I am today changed from the person I was yesterday. At times, I didn’t want to change in the slightest degree, and at other times, I wanted to change more than anything, to have my mind rewritten and reprogrammed so that I could forget all that I was. The main thing I learned during all of these phases was simple: change is like gravity. Even if you want to fly, and focus all of your mental energy on levitation and subsequent zooming around, and chant to yourself, “there is no gravity” day in and day out, nothing will happen. You could choose to walk off a tall cliff chanting this, and for a second, you would certainly feel like you were flying. What you would really be feeling is the relentless tug of gravity, pulling you down at 9.8 meters per second, no matter how loud you were chanting or screaming your mantra. Gravity is there whether you want it or not. (It is my recommendation that no one should try the above idea, unless they are from Krypton).

Gravity isn’t all bad though. It prevents us from being thrown bodily into space at any moment, which would be bad. So even when internal inconsequential events are going on, and it feels like we have been disconnected from the world, gravity holds us fast. Change is like gravity. It is neither good nor bad, it merely is. Therefore, what I have really learned is that in life, one has to roll with change, just like one rolls with gravity. Sure, we’d all like to fly, but the sacrifice of not flying is outweighed by not being cast off into the sun or other parts of the universe at some random moment. With the exception of eventually telling some stories that happened to me during this period at some point, there is really nothing for me to say about what happened during those seven hundred odd days. I was learning to deal with change like I deal with gravity. No big deal.

For those of you screaming obscenities and staring angrily at the screen thinking, “that was the biggest bunch of bullcrap I have ever read”, let me tell you two things that are important about the great content absence of these last weeks and months and years. In order for me to tell you that, first, I must tell you a small thing about myself. It has always been my dream to be a writer. When I was a sassy teenager, I would tell anyone who would listen about how I was going to be a great author. (In my defense, I never told people what I was going to write about; in my opinion, you never surrender your ideas for nothing). No, I’m not going to apologize for saying that. I think everyone needs that bit of teenage moxie to get them started.

Let me tell you why it is good to have that moxie at an early age. No matter how good you are at something; how good you think you are; how good you could hypothetically be; or how good you actually are on an absolute scale, at some point, fear creeps into your brain and rumbles through all of your plans and ideas, paralyzing you in innumerable ways. Frank Herbert said it best in Dune, “fear is the mind killer”. (http://www.dunenovels.com/ ). To that perfect definition, I would only add that fear is the time waster, the life taker. I know this because for many of those weeks, I was afraid. At this point you may rightly scoff – “You? Afraid?”, but it is true. At times, I have been afraid of my own dreams. At those moments, it was easier to do anything, take any type of risk, and accept any challenge except those that involved following my dreams. It was easier to focus on the million problems that existed in chasing those dreams, the billion hypotheticals that prevented me from moving forward. Since I was afraid of failing in one way or another, I simply stopped trying. In this way, I found the fastest way to hit the ground and fail – I simply didn’t try. It was deplorable.

For a while, I wouldn’t admit that I was afraid. I was out doing things that were incredibly risky, tiring and time consuming. I told myself that I would merely write the next day. It was simply to murmur to myself that I would do it the next day, and watch Monday turn into Thursday turn into another week turn into another three months. In this fashion, with quiet complacency, it was easy to partially kill myself and my dreams. That’s what I really want to apologize for – the loss of time. Not to you, the reader – but if you want, partially to you, but to me – because while it’s easy to live with no regrets in many ways, lost time, and lost friends are things you can never get back. There’s a story about how I stopped being complacent, and stopped being afraid – but I’m not going to tell it, because it’s an everyday story, one of small victories and constant battles. I’m happy to say that it’s a story of how I broke free of my own inertia, remembered my panache, remembered who I was and placed myself back on the path to my dreams with simple words. For me, those words were simple. Time wastes too fast. Life your dreams now. Life’s better with dreams; because the world needs dreams and imagination now – because it’s too full of fear and complacency. With that, I’ll be here on Friday, to tell you about how I see the mystic dreams of this site in the future.

Interregnum – Welcome Back. My name is the Last Adventurer, and I write this blog.

My handwritten copy of this post has a series of long, trite series of sentences about not writing. I don’t like it, so I’m not going to type it. That’s how it works. Those words are going to sit in the black hole of my journal, wondering if they, like other lost thoughts will make it past the event horizon of the pages and into real life. The thing is, there’s not really anything I can say about not posting for seven hundred and seventy seven days. There are no words. Alright, realistically, there are words. There are plenty of words that come to mind, apologetic words, words of resignation, and words of excuses. Speaking for myself, I don’t want to hear those words in my head, let alone read them on the screen, since real life is full of such small disappointments, and I don’t want to contribute to those in any way whatsoever. So yes, even though there are words, there are no words. There are no words because I’m not going to say them.

What I can say is that if I had any readers originally, and for a time, I definitely had at least one or two, I drove them off with easy aplomb by not posting. I know what people are thinking, and what the indexing bots are wondering: “Why didn’t you at least re-post articles you found interesting, or better yet, post two line posts next to the same articles that provide no additional insight or content?”. The answer to this question is simple. If I’m going to drive away my readers, I’m going to take the shortest point from a to b. I’m going to flat out do nothing, so that no one is under any illusions about what is going on: for those seven hundred and seventy seven days, absolutely nothing was going on. If, two weeks ago, I had chosen to stop, take my site down, and walk away, I could at least have told people that I had a little-known-but-semi-popular-blog for a period of time, which sounds quasi-respectable until I told them that the content was adventure stories based on my life. However, since I decided to return to my blog, I now have to tell people that I have a blog that used to have readers, but no longer does, even though occasionally my friends’ dogs take pity on me and at least log onto the website to make it look like I’m getting traffic. What can I say. I’m stubborn, and I like a challenge.

When I stopped posting seven hundred and seventy seven days ago, I was recounting the story of the first Pizza Port expedition in one section. I had just got to the place where we were halfway up the mountain, when I stopped. (http://www.lastadventurer.com/last-adventurers-fieldnotes/2008/1/2/the-first-and-last-pizza-port-mountaineering-expedition-day.html ). In the other section, I was midway through describing a blow-by-blow account of a long lost fight. (http://www.lastadventurer.com/last-adventurers-firering/episode-lxxxxiv-failures-to-communicate-usually-lead-to-fist.html ). Good news: in real life, I haven’t been leading that expedition, or fighting that fight all of this time. Spoiler alert: I, and everyone else made it up and off the mountain, and I won the fight. All of this begs the question of what I have been doing all of this time. It’s clear that I didn’t suffer some terrible fate and pass on, as one concerned e-mailer inquired a long long time back. Or did I? After all, wouldn’t it be a harsh fate to pass on, and then be returned to blog about events that had happened back in your actual life to an audience that may not exist? I think I have just hit upon a new, modern twenty-first century version of purgatory. Someone get me the Pope on the pope-phone. Rest assured potential readers: if I am the undead now, I am not nearly as sparkly in real life as vampires have oddly been made out to be.

 As to where I have been and what I have been doing, all will be revealed in due time. In fact, at times, it feels like I stepped out of one, comfortable dimension in which everything was moving like a well-maintained clock, to one where the world had no gears, and things moved in a chaotic mess, to one where things moved in surreal backwards steps to wherever I find myself now. Also, I’d ask that you note that the prior sentences are a figurative depiction of my life during the last seven hundred odd days or so, not a literal depiction. I do not actually think that I have traveled between different planes of the multiverse. At least I don’t think that for real yet. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I do think that, so someone can send for the men in the white coats to find me a nice jacket and a comfy padded cell. The good news is that I’m back, and while I’m not necessarily going to pick up where I left off, there is going to be progress that’s not completely disorderly. Don’t worry – what’s going to come is good – I promise. And if it’s not good, since this is a free service, you get a refund of nothing. So strap yourselves in, and get ready to get a glimpse of things past and present, and if we’re lucky, the future.

The First (and last) Pizza Port Mountaineering Expedition – Day One

The porch was full of backpacks. There was a large, multi-day pack that had clothes spilling out of each pocket. There was a bulging daypack. And there was some sort of large, flexible cooler. The worst part was that all of the gear belonged to one person and one person only: Lumonox. Bewildered, I stared at the pile of stuff and wondered why one person needed all of it for a three day trip while E-Rock and the One OG (“OG”) roared with laughter. When the hubbub had died down for a moment, Lumonox looked at me sheepishly and tried to explain that he had been waiting for me and or E-Rock to tell him what he needed. Without hesitation, I looked at the cooler and said with a straight face “You won’t be needing that”. Immediately, Lumonox opened the cooler and pulled out a can.

“Yes,” He said calmly, hiding the can’s label from the rest of us. “I need it, because it contains my….” And with a flourish, he whipped his hand off the label so we could all see what it said, “…my victory BUD LIGHT!!!”

For the next several minutes, laughter poured out of the driveway of Lumonox’s house and into the surrounding sleeping houses of his neighborhood. I could only laugh until my stomach hurt. It was six hours until we arrived at the Whitney Portal, and it was less than one day until we started the climb, and instead of being absolutely ready to go, we were having comedy hour in Lumonox’s driveway. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised. After everything that had happened, deep down inside in my core, I had known it was going to be like this. It wasn’t a surprise. And despite everything that wasn’t perfect, I found that I was fine with the situation. The group, despite their best – or worst efforts, was consistently out of their element. It happened. All it meant was that I was going to have to laugh when I could, and watch everyone like a hawk for every other waking moment that it wasn’t comedy hour. I was ready; I had been in similar situations before, and since I hadn’t lost anyone – or their appendages yet, I was confident that despite the flaws that were present in the group, I could lead everyone up and down yet another mountain safely.

With that goal firmly in mind, I laughed again, and banged on the roof of the car and yelled something inane to the members of Team Legendary like “saddle up, Team Legendary”. Somewhere, in the flood of relentless last minute e-mails and calls, Lumonox had come up with the names “Team Legendary” and “Team Cool Kids” to designate our two carloads traveling to Whitney. Team Legendary was my carload of Lumonox, E-Rock, and OG. Team Cool Kids was the truck carrying Ms. Super-Athlete (“Ms. SA”) and her boyfriend, Stouty Yeti (“SY”)– so named for his beer preference and his unnatural obsession with all things sasquatch, and not for any actual physical attributes, because even I was taller and heavier than him in build.

The over-heavy packs thudded into the back of my car, and I slammed the hatch shut. While I and everyone else had plenty of doubts about what we were doing, it was clear that we had made one good decision to start the trip – taking my car. Before we had loaded my car to the gills, there had been a brief talk about taking E-Rock’s car. In all actuality, there hadn’t even been a talk. E-Rock had offered to drive; and the rest of us had stared silently at the pile of gear, which wouldn’t have fit in the trunk or the backseat of his small, German-made car. E-Rock had then stated that we should take my car. I didn’t mind – taking my car meant that I got to be where I was most comfortable – behind the wheel. It also meant that everyone else had a little more room, and that Lumonox got to bring his cooler, even though we had made it abundantly clear that it wouldn’t be leaving the parking lot. With one last look at my partially obstructed rear window, I swung into the driver’s seat and started the engine. There was no turning back now – I really was taking the group to the mountain.

The LA's List of Gear for Whitney, October 19-20, 2007

Once I was able to check the forecast during the ten-day window before the hike, I was able to realistically prepare my list of gear for the trek. The below list is what I actually carried on the trip, and I am happy to say that I used all the items below.

1) Backpack: I carried my dependable Bora80 Arc’Teryx Pack. It wasn’t full on the way up, but I was glad to have the extra room on the way down to carry some gear for some other people.

2) Sleeping bag. I carried my North Face 15 degree bag. While it was cold, I managed to stay warm in it, but probably just barely.

3) Bivy Sack. I own a lightweight Black Diamond Lightsabre bivy sack. I had to really stake it down because of high wind, it worked great.

4) Sleeping Pad. I’m not sure who makes my pad, but it is lightweight and packs down well. In cold weather, it’s really good to be up off the ground.

5) First Aid kit. It didn’t see major use, but I did pass out a fair amount of Motrin and Moleskin.

6) Water Filer. I always carry a Miox water filter, which is lightweight and does a great job.

7) Backpacking stove. I swear by the PocketRocket by MSR. Again, on this trip up at 12,000 feet, it worked like a charm in heavy winds, while one of my climbing partners couldn’t get his Jetboil to even start!

9) Bear Canister. Someone has to carry it for the group!

10) 4 Nalgene 1 Liter Bottles. This is where I could shed some weight, if I went with a soft plastic bladder, but since I have the bottles, I use them.

11) Matches/Lighter/Compass/Map/Emergency blanket/knife/TP/Poop bags/Sunscreen

12) Boots. I’ve been wearing a pair of Asolos for the last two years, good boots. I supplement my arches and overall foot comfort with a pair of Superfeet. Prior to the Asolos, I had some Salomon mountaineering boots, and before that some Vasques. All three brands make a quality boot, in my opinion.

13) 2 pairs socks. This is my personal luxury item for any backpacking trip. They don’t take up much room, but your feet always seem to feel better at the end of the day when you can put clean socks on them.

14) 1 pair long underwear. I brought my mid-weight Patagonia capaline underwear. Since the weekend ended up being unseasonably warm, I was fine, but there were a few windy moments where I wished I had something a little heavier.

15) 1 pair of "convertible" pants

16) Wind resistant fleece jacket.

17) Wind-Water resistant fleece jacket.

18) Wind resistant fleece hat; brimmed light weight ball-cap.

19) Pair of mid-weight gloves; pair of light-weight liner gloves. I didn’t really use my mid-weight gloves that much, but the light-weight gloves were great for cooking, filtering water, and just general up and down the trail use.

20) Camera

21) Crampons. I use a pair of Black Diamond “Sabretooth” Crampons. I’ve had them for five plus years, and they’ve never let me down in any way.

22) Ice Axe. Again, I use another Black Diamond product (With all of this product placement for them, you’d think I work for them, but alas, I do not. How about some free stuff guys?), the Raven Pro. I got mine as a gift several years ago; as it’s the third ice axe I’ve owned; and probably the fifth I’ve used extensively, I can say that like the crampons, it is a quality product and has never let me down.

23) Food.

24) Sunglasses.

The only thing I didn’t bring that would have been helpful was a book, or something to pass the time on Saturday night. As I’m sure many people will notice and will be quick to point out, I didn’t take a waterproof shell. I didn’t carry my shell with me this time because I was 99% certain that it would not rain or snow during our trip. While I do realize that nothing is ever certain on the mountain, it was a calculated risk I was willing to take on this occasion based on my in-depth study of the weather. At the weigh station at Whitney Portal, my pack was forty-five pounds! As part of the weight was group gear, and I knew that I could bear the weight, I wasn’t concerned, but for novice hikers, be aware that even when you carry the minimum, like myself, everything does add up!

Plans, group commitments, and other things all change easily because of weather.

Two weeks before the trip, I began monitoring the ten-day weather forecast obsessively. I, for one, wanted to know exactly how cold it was going to be, whether it was going to snow, and if snow had fallen, how much of the trail it covered, and what the trail conditions actually looked like. I quickly learned that due to some early season storms, snow and ice were present on the upper reaches of the trail, although they were not there in large quantities. I also knew that these basic winter conditions would have a large impact on the group. I debated my options. In the end, I dropped my laissez-faire attitude of the preceding weeks, because while ignorance was fine for sitting around the bar, it was a life or death issue for the mountain.

I kept this second status e-mail short and sweet. After all, I wanted to make sure it was actually read by the Dirty Dozen. On the off chance that a paragraph was still too much to read, I sent a link containing pictures of the trail taken several days before. In the e-mail, I strongly suggested that everyone come prepared with crampons and or ice axes. In stark contrast to the first e-mail, I received quite a few responses to this second informational message. Some of the messages were humorous: “Time to go battle Yetis”. And some of the messages were practical: “Where can we rent crampons?” By far, however, the bulk of the responses were one thing and one thing only: cancellations. In the end, it turned out that my hypothesis about providing information wasn’t all bad; it just merely was flawed. It turned out that I merely had to provide the right information to motivate people.

Up to the point of the second, or as I later called it “the shake down” e-mail, the group was the Pizza Port Dirty Dozen, so named for all twelve people headed to the mountain. After the e-mail, the group was the Dirty Half-Dozen. It was still five people more than I originally thought would go, but it was half of our reservation quota. Once people learned there was snow and ice on the trail, they dropped out of the expedition faster than free beer disappeared on a Thursday night. Some people, like the Pink Princess had no excuse other than deciding that they didn’t really want to go after all. Other people had bizarre reasons. One said that he didn’t have the insurance – whether that meant life or medical insurance, I never was quite clear. Another former “gung-ho” climber suddenly contracted temporary amnesia, claiming not to remember paying me for the permit, receiving any prior Mt. Whitney e-mails, participating in any Mt. Whitney climbing conversations, or even knowing who I or anyone else in the group were.

I didn’t care. For all intents and purposes, I didn’t care one bit. I didn’t need excuses, and I didn’t want excuses. If people dropped out, that was their business, and that was one less person I had to worry about on the mountain, and that was all that mattered to me. The last week before the hike, after all the cancellations had occurred, I spent a fair amount of time coordinating the last minute details with the remaining members of the Dirty Half Dozen. By the time the trip rolled around, I had a good feeling about the group. It was smaller than we had planned, but the people that had stayed were the ones that were most motivated and prepared. I still had concerns, but for the first time in several months, I actually was somewhat confidant that the first Pizza Port mountaineering expedition, the Dirty Half Dozen, might actually make it to the summit of the mountain.