While there are many amazing trails in the Mount Shasta region that lead to a number of super fantastic places, including lakes, summits, trees, animals and more, the absolute best trail in the region leads to a location that is even better than these mundane things. The Bunny Flat Trail to Lemuria is without question, the best trail in the Mount Shasta Region, the best trail in Northern California, and perhaps, the best trail in the world. The reason for this is that while most trails merely take you to a physical location, this trail takes you to a location that is beyond space and beyond time. While it may seem hard to believe, this trail takes you to a metaphysical location that lies somewhere in the imagination and heart of every person, irrespective of whether they know it exists or not – and that location is Lemuria.
Lemuria! The name alone evokes wonder, awe, and everything pleasant, much like a fresh flower, a friendly puppy, or a sunny day. Long denigrated as the “Atlantis of the Pacific Ocean”, Lemuria is truly more than that. Lemuria is a place that existed long ago and yet also exists today – hidden from the day to day grind of the Monday through Friday existence. While it has long been thought that Lemuria was lost, the truth is for those willing to take part in a unique one-of-a-kind adventure that anyone can accomplish but not Instagram, Lemuria is always present, and ready for visitors.
In order to reach Lemuria through the Bunny Flat trail, careful preparation is required. To begin, one must not eat or drink for several days before attempting this feat. The reason for this is two-fold; first, without careful fasting, the gateway will not be readily apparent. Second, no food is allowed because it is abhorrent to the guardians of the Lemurian gateway, Batsquatches. While their guttural roars and cries may sound threatening to human ears, what they are really saying in their variant of the Sasquatch tongue is “Please good sirs, and ladies, no foodstuffs are allowed in the Lemurian gateway”. While the Batsquatch clan of guardians is inherently polite, translation errors have led to some insufferable rumors and unfounded fears of dismemberment. Do not run afoul of the Batsquatches; and do not bring food or water on this hike.
Separately, proper equipment is required, which in this case, is a simple white robe. Unlike many hikes which require gortex, hiking boots, and safety gear, the Bunny Flat to Lemuria trek requires little to no gear, because as of 2016, there is no baggage service from Bunny Flat to Lemuria. Hikers are advised not to bring gear that will clog the entrance point, and as such, should follow leave no trace principles. As Lemurians follow a simple style of attire – white robes, and only white robes, and require that all visitors abide by their attire, a large amount of gear is not needed. Since human clothes are not needed or wanted in Lemuria, it is possible to hike the route naked, but that is a choice that each and every person must make for themselves. It is worth noting that for naked hikers, Lemuria will provide a courtesy white robe on arrival. Hikers are also advised not to bring ice axes (the tradition weapon of war of Lemuria), but should rather bring trekking poles (the traditional gift of peace in Lemuria) for their journey.
The route itself is straightforward. From Bunny Flat, the hiker should head up the trail to Mount Shasta, past Horse Camp, and to Lake Helen. Hikers that are outfitted properly for Lemuria should not be offended by strange glances, or comments of concern from boring mountaineers and simple strangers out for a summit; the Mount Shasta summit is nothing compared to the golden pillars of Lemuria! From Horse Camp, the hikers will ascend up the talus slopes of the mountain toward Lake Helen. Along this way, hikers should ensure that they secure a piece of mountain rock for the toll for Lemuria. This rock should be not too large, but not too small. Once at Lake Helen, hikers should wait – with their chosen rock – for the gateway to open. This gateway opens often, or not at all, depending on the crowd, and only when the sun’s rays create the shadow gateway to the other world that is Lemuria. At that time, and only on that time and Thursdays, will the gateway open. Only those with their rocks, and proper preparation can then leave on the remainder of this amazing hike that does not return. Ah, to visit Lemuria! Truly the pinnacle of the hiking world; an experience that inspires all, and the best hike ever – as it will be the last hike one undertakes, because hiking is illegal and unneeded in Lemuria. In closing, I highly recommend this hike; 11 stars out of a possible 5. Get to this hike and be sure to do it while you can!
Disclaimer: If you think this is a real hike or real suggestions, you need professional help. This is an April Fool’s Joke – albeit a somewhat wordy one. Real hikes should be attempted with real gear and real preparation. Having said all of that, Mount Shasta does have a real interesting history, which you can read about here.